#1 - Rooster Teeth Podcast
Rooster Teeth kicks off with a gamerscore challenge issued to Geoff by Burnie
Recorded: 2008-12-09 18:00:00
Runtime: 00:42:38 (2558.75 seconds)
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Gus: It’s like some kind of… It’s like on the Philippines or something.
Burnie: Get comfortable. No… No excessive couch noises. I gotta pee already.
Gus: Pee break.
Geoff: How does it make you feel that Mexico’s greatest hero got beat up by a scrawny little filipino dude?
Gus: I don’t keep up with that stuff. Yeah, he also got beat up by some stripper. She put him in some fishnet stockings and high heels and made him drive real fast on the motorcycle.
Burnie: I was at a bar watching uh… the championship game and they were showing the de la Hoya fight…
Burnie: … and most of the people in the bar did not know about the Oscar de la Hoya mistress incident and my brother-in-law kept making me go around with my Iphone and show people the pictures. Eventually I was like “fuck it. I’m not gonna walk to de la Hoya fans at the night of the fight and show them pictures of their idol in fishnet stockings and talk about b…”
Gus: He looked… He looked good.
Burnie: Yeah. I guess.
Geoff: You’re lucky somebody didn’t put you down for a siesta.
Gus: Well… I read actually… I read up a little more on that that the woman who produced the photos recanted and said that they were fake but then later she said she did so under duress… That some muscle guys came and roughed her up and told her to say it was all fake.
Geoff: Is that true?
Burnie: Under duress... I like…
Geoff: They’re like… They’re like uh… No es bueno señorita.
Burnie: I like that a professional fighter has to hire guys to rough people up. He can’t rough up a girl himself. He’s gotta hire outside dudes.
Gus: He’s obviously a girly man. You’ve seen the photos, right?
Burnie: Dude, you can say whatever you want to, but…
Geoff: I’m gonna go out on a limb right now and say that Gus could beat up Oscar de la Hoya. And I challenge Oscar de la Hoya to fight Gus. Mano a mano.
Burnie: Have you ever been in a fight, Gus?
Gus: No. I got punched in the face once.
Geoff: Who punched you in the face?
Gus: That was as close as I’ve come.
Geoff: Who punched you in the face?
Gus: Uhh… My friend Ruben.
Geoff: Oh. The guy who can’t pass the Bar?
Gus: Who’s laughing now?
Burnie: So… Why did he punch you in the face?
Gus: I don’t know. I said something about his mother. We were like 12 years old.
Burnie: Did you say “tu madre”?
Gus: Yeah. That’s exactly what I said. Wow! It’s like you were there.
Geoff: Did he have to uh… climb on a step ladder to punch you? You’re about 3 feet taller than him, right?
Gus: No, no. I was…
Geoff: Did he do the Mighty Mouse “little champ”?
Gus: We were like 12. We were in 6th grade. We were both like 4 feet tall.
Geoff: You hadn’t hit the nerd growth spurt yet?
Gus: The nerd growth spurt had not kicked in yet.
Burnie: Plus, the size of Gus’s head… How can you miss? I mean...
Geoff: It’s true.
Gus: You just like put your hand out and let gravity do the rest of the work. And just kinda…
Burnie: It falls in a gravity well and it sucks it in. What about you? Have you ever been punched in the face or have been on a fight?
Geoff: Many times.
Geoff: Yeah. I’ve been in a lot of fights. I haven’t won a lot of fights but I’ve been in a lot of fights. I’ve been in a lot of fights in the army.
Gus: Yeah. You shot stuff.
Geoff: I did shoot stuff. I didn’t get in any fights over shooting stuff. I’ve been… I’ve been in two drive by shootings though.
Burnie: I’ve had a gun pulled on me twice.
Geoff: On the receiving end.
Gus: On the receiving end?
Geoff: Yeah. I haven’t shot anybody.
Gus: That’s the worse end.
Geoff: Why did you… Why would you have a gun pulled on you?
Burnie: It was two weird circumstances. I got a gun pointed at me by an off duty cop and I had just a gun pointed at me at a party. Just some random guy who was sleeping in a corner in a sleeping bag and people were giving him a hard time and I kinda joined on giving him a hard time and I guess he thought, you know, “I gotta put an end to this” and he pulled back the sleeping bag and he had a revolver and he pointed it at me.
Geoff: Did it put an end to it?
Burnie: It put an end to it for me. Yeah. Fuck yeah.
Geoff: Let me ask you a question. This was at a party?
Geoff: Did you leave the party or did you go like to the other room and drink some beer and try to forget about it?
Burnie: No. I went to the other room and drank some beer and forgot about it. Yeah. Pretty much.
Geoff: Good deal.
Burnie: Leave the guy alone, right? Why would I leave the party? Just put as many bodies between you and the bullet as you can.
Gus: It’s a revolver, you said. So there are like 6 bullets in there.
Geoff: It’s true.
Gus: There’s probably more than 6 people at he party. You’re probably ok.
Burnie: No. He was, you know… I don’t think there was ever really a moment of “I’m about to get shot”, I mean. It was just weird to have a gun pointed at you.
Geoff: Why… Why was a dude in a sleeping bag with a gun at a party anyway?
Burnie: I don’t know, you know.
Geoff: Was it time to go night night?
Burnie: Doing it for attention for whatever fucking reason, probably.
Gus: And when he got the attention, he didn’t want it.
Burnie: Or maybe he wanted more by having a gun. He was all hard and wanted to be a tough guy.
Geoff: Was he a minority?
Burnie: It’s more a like… I mean, you know when you get a gun pointed at you and when you get a gun “pointed” at you, you know.
Geoff: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Burnie: Like, one is like “I’m in a dangerous situation” and I kinda had that borderline with the off duty cop, cause I didn’t know he was a cop. Just some guy with a gun. And then the other one was like a gun safety thing, you know. Like someone is like swinging a barrel… and, you know, crosses your vector…
Geoff: Right, right, right.
Burnie: You’re like “fuck! What’s with...” And everybody yells at him.
Geoff: “What are you? An idiot?” You don’t point guns at people.
Burnie: That’s like the same kind of like tone that people reserve for when you spill beer at a party, you know. They make it sound like you’re some kind of social idiot. Or as if you’re in a situation with a gun and somebody swings a gun around and points it at a group of people by accident… Even if it’s, you know… the barrel is wide open and there’s no bullet in it and you know for sure, it doesn’t matter, you know. If you grow up around guns, you know don’t point a fucking gun at people.
Geoff: I don’t even think you have to grow up around guns to know that. That’s one of those common sense you’re born with kind of thing.
Burnie: I guess so. But if it’s kinda beat in to you, right? About not ever pointing a gun…
Gus: If you don’t have the experience, you might not know. You’re like “What? It’s unloaded, there is nothing in there”, you know. You think it’s harmless.
Burnie: We worked on a movie one time and this was right after Bruce Lee’s kid died on the set of The Crow. We were doing a movie and we had to work with uh blanks. We had a… We had a gun. A real gun. A 45. And we purchased online blanks that could fire in a 45. But… I don’t know if you know this or not, there’s not enough power in a blank to work a slide, so you can only get a shot at a time unless you have a prop gun. Like, it will fire the first gun but the actual… there’s no actual physical bullet leaving the barrel…
Gus. Right. There’s no power for that.
Burnie: Yeah. There’s no power to slide back, so you… in an automatic gun you get one shot and the thing just instantly jams. Anyway, uh… Some fucking idiot, when we were having the day… he brought real bullets to the set and was just to see if they were the same size as the blanks.
Gus: Oh my God.
Gus: This… This is also the uh… the same movie where you made your own blanks by sawing off shotgun shells, right?
Burnie: No. That’s where we made squibs, which are how you…
Burnie: … how you show where, you know… when you shoot at somebody, the blood splats, you know… the hole burst in the shirts and blood splat. We made our own squibs out of uh… We ended up using gun powder and like putty like an epoxy in a plumbing cap. It was horrible. And at first we just… my buddy Scott, who will do anything.
Geoff: Squirrel Scott?
Burnie: We tried all sorts of different methods to try…
Geoff: Did they hurt?
Burnie: Well… I wore one. They… They were loud more than anything else and, you know, knowing a little more physics now than I did back then, I realize that the people standing in front of him were actually in much more dangerous because it would fire little shards of epoxy outward.
Burnie: So the guy that it’s actually strapped to was probably in less danger… maybe from some kind of broad impact kinda thing. But the people standing n front of him… if you didn’t let the epoxy dry all the way, it would fire out like a plug. And we heard from a buddy of ours who was using these things that it punched a hole in drywall when they were shooting in an apartment.
Gus: That’s awesome.
Burnie: And you’re standing in front of him with a camera, right?
Gus: I hope the camera never got hurt.
Burnie: No. We used a sheet of Plexiglas that we bought from a Home Depot and put in front of it. So it’s just…
Gus: Priorities. Prot4ect the camera.
Burnie: Adventures in stupidity.
Geoff: Like a junior Spielberg over there. Hey, so… Are we uh… are we having the podcast right now?
Burnie: Sure. Why not? This is actually… This is our milestone. This is our 100th podcast. It’s a big anniversary for us. Ans the reason why… why we did pull out all this equipment and start doing this. Anybody wants to explain this?
Gus: I think Geoff should. It’s probably uh he’s…
Burnie: No. Geoff will explain like it makes sense. So somebody should explain with the objectivity that Geoff started talking completely out of his ass and got called on it.
Gus: Ok, ok. I guess…
Geoff: First off, let’s say that Burnie is right. This is… may not be our 100th podcast but this is… God, I don't know… 10th or 11th or something. We’ve been doing test podcasts now and uh… I guess we’re gonna post this one since I figure it gonna be a podcast people listen to.
Burnie: Probably. Yeah, probably.
Gus: We will post it and see if people listen to it. That comes later.
Burnie: I don't think we called a podcast when all we really do is break out our commentary…
Burnie: microphones and just talk into these.
Geoff: It’s a non DVD commentary.
Gus: And we had so much fun doing the reconstruction commentary, we decided to just continue going. Why not?
Geoff: That was a fun commentary.
Burnie: Plus, Nathan and Matt are working out in the front room and if they don't think we are making content, they put us to work on something.
Gus: “Working”. I saw Matt was watching uh bad Scorpions… bad… I’m sorry… bad Europe covers on the…
Geoff: He got that from me. I apologize.
Burnie: Yeah. Matt is like behind 4 years on every meme on the internet.
Geoff: I think so, yeah.
Matt (from far away): No, I’m not.
Burnie: So.. ok… So what happened was… There was a contest on Achievement Hunter, right?
Burnie: And the contest was… specifically Knuckles was trying to get as many points as he could in a week. And, correct me if I’m wrong here…
Geoff: No, I think that’s right. And he won that contest.
Burnie: And he won that contest. Knuckles won that contest.
Geoff: It was him and 20 other dudes from the site.
Gus: How many points did he end up getting? You know?
Burnie: This is critical.
Geoff: I’m not sure the exactly number off the top of my head but I think it was around 4000.
Burnie: I wanna say it was 4400 or something.
Geoff: 4400 in like 10 days.
Burnie: Knowing Knuckles it was probably 4444 or something.
Gus: That’s a lot of points. That’s pretty impressive.
Geoff: That’s nothing.
Burnie: That’s like 4,5 complete retail games.
Geoff: In like a week and a half.
Burnie: In… well… well, let’s break this down. So, Geoff says in response to this. He’s very unimpressed by that and I said that this is the number that won the contest and I said that’s actually… that seem like a decent amount of points to me. Geoff says “I can score probably 10.000 points in a week”. And so I absolutely…
Gus: no, no. I think Geoff… I think Geoff’s exact words were “I can do 10.000 points in a week no problem”.
Burnie and Geoff: No problem.
Geoff: I can. I don’t know why you guys are in such fucking disbelieve…
Gus: So then, after saying that, Burnie said that he would bet Geoff that Geoff could not do that.
Gus: And… And…
Burnie: And we escalated quickly.
Gus: And then ir quickly escalated from there. And then money was involved uh almost immediately. I don't know… it’s some kind of complicated system. How does this work?
Burnie: So here is… here is what I proposed. Ok. I said… I made the comment… kinda talked out of my ass and said “I’ll pay you 1000 dollar you can’t do 10.000 points in 7 days.
Burnie: Or in a week. And Geoff said “I absolutely can”. So we came up with this system where we’re not gonna bet that Geoff between… What are the dates?
Geoff: Uh… We’re gonna go from December 26th, the say after Christmas, to December 31st, New Years Eve…
Geoff: 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31… I guess the 1st. 26th to the 1st. So 7 days.
Burnie: So you’re gonna miss New Year’s for this?
Geoff: No. I’ll be done well before New Year’s.
Burnie: Will you?
Gus: That’s the kind of arrogance I love.
Burnie: So, the deal is now, for those 7 days, Geoff needs to increase his gamerscore by 10.000 points.
Burnie: And I’ll pay him a dollar for every point he scores over 9.000.
Burnie: So, if he scores 10… up to 10.000.
Gus: Yeah. There is a cap.
Burnie: There is a cap. So…
Geoff: You capped it because you know I’d send you to the poor house.
Burnie: I can’t wait. I relish the opportunity to be sent to the poor house on this.
Gus: What’s the flip side here?
Burnie: The flip side is that he has to pay me a dollar for every point under 9.000. No cap on that.
Gus: Under 10.000.
Burnie: Under 9.000.
Geoff: Under 9.000.
Gus: Under 9.000. Oh, wow.
Geoff: There should definitely be a cap. If you get caped at a thousand, I should get capped in 8.000. Not that it matters, cause I’m gonna win. And I’m gonna get full 10.000. Still…
Burnie: So I should start paying him over 9.000. So it’s… That’s really where the bet is. But the bet is for t… The bet is a thousand dollar bet that of he makes to 10.000 points, I gotta pay him a thousand dollars.
Burnie: So, if you get what I’m projecting to be about 6.500 points, then I still only make a thousand dollars.
Geoff: Now, here’s the deal.
Gus: Should we talk about, I mean… I don't think you’ve talked about this yet. What about extenuating circumstances? Like red rings, Xbox Live outages…
Geoff: I have…
Burnie: What’s… What’s… We have an office…
Geoff: I have 4 Xbox 360s in my house right now.
Gus: The reason I bring it up it’s because I don't want ir to become an excuse later.
Geoff: No, no, no. No excuses. I have access to infinitely more in the office. Achievement can be gotten offline. It would just knock off my… my live achievements, which would suck, but I’d still be… Or I could come here to do it. I’m not afraid.
Burnie: I wanna… I wanna put some stipulations. I wanna say you can’t get… Cause you did this in our contest for Call of Duty 4. The last contest with me that you lost.
Burnie: That one. That you still haven’t paid me on.~Which we will get to in a second. But you can not do these offline. You have to get them online. At least not by design. OK?
Geoff: I understand what you’re saying there. Not by design. And I’m fine with that. But I think the way we should make sure this doesn’t happen is we will, at an agreed upon time on the 26th, cause it will be the day after Christmas… And one of the great things about this is that my wife and daughter are going out of town for a week so I’ll be home alone, nothing but my Xbox and boring dog. So I got all the time in the world to do this. But let’s say I like…
Burnie: No, you don't. You’ve got 7 days.
Geoff: 10 am…
Burnie: Let’s be clear.
Geoff: OK. 7 days. 10 am or whatever on the 26th, I’ll sign on to Xbox Live and you can sign on to Xbox Live and verify my score and say…
Burnie: I’ll be there. I’ll be there the day after Christmas.
Burnie: I’ll abandon my family the way you are.
Geoff: The fucking clock will tick and… at that moment and then if I get them offline or whatever, it doesn’t really matter cause you can verify that my actual score online was whatever it was at that time.
Burnie: But part of the fun is going to be watching you get this point.
Geoff: Absolutely. I’m not gonna… yeah.
Burnie: i’m saying by design. You did that last time…
Geoff: You and I were doing a race. That was a different tactic I had. And you had a lot of shitty tactics on the race too. Like cheating. But that’s a hole other story.
Burnie: Just wait.
Geoff: Yeah. OK
Burnie: It’s a long week. It’s a long 7 days.
Geoff: No. I’ll be fine. Here’s…
Burnie: Fucking house is gonna get burned down this time.
Geoff: I have… I have two things… three things going for me. My family is out of town so I have no distractions…
Burnie: You need to stop saying that. Cause your wife is gonna hear that over and over again how happy you are that she is going out of town.
Geoff: No, I’m not happy that she is going out of town. I’m gonna miss them terribly but if… if I was around my wife and daughter I would just want to spend time with them cause they’re so fantastic…
Geoff: I would… I would ignore the contest. The second thing… Or the bet. I guess it’s not really a contest. The second thing is, if I perform under 9.000, my wife is gonna divorce me.
Geoff: She really will.
Burnie: It’s part of the plan.
Geoff: Yeah. And… And the third thing I’ve got going for me is uh… I don’t know the third one. I forgot already. But it’s going for me.
Gus: That’s good. It’s crucial to have that swing.
Burnie: We are gonna land on a couple of stipulations. The number one is, of course, you have to go from your existing account. You can’t start a brand new account.
Geoff: No, absolutely. So I can’t go and go back and get like…
Burnie: King King.
Geoff: King Kong and that stuff again. Yeah. And I’ve already got roughly 45.000 points right now.
Geoff: 44.800 or something.
Burnie: And you also have some of the most garbage games on the planet.
Geoff: I have a few.
Burnie: Like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Surf’s Up…
Geoff: A lot of games you have.
Burnie: A lot of games that I have.
Geoff: I’ll defend Surf’s Up for the rest of my life. That game is fantastic.
Gus: But he doesn’t have games like Avatar.
Geoff: I don’t. I don’t have Avatar the last… I’m about to.
Burnie: Listen. I’m totally fine with him spawning these points. We’re talking about ten he’s gotta complete, essentially. 100% ten retail games in 7 days. Or you’re gonna have to like basically complete 20 retail games. Get about 5000 points.
Gus: So we’re looking at about 1430 points a day, which is 1,5 retail games 100% every day.
Burnie: Or if he just completes them, he gets 500 points, he’s gotta do 3 a day.
Burnie: Like, just playing through the campaign of a game.
Burnie: Impossible. Not impossible, unlikely. With you, impossible. Everyone else, unlikely. Some people, nor probably. You, completely impossible.
Geoff: Totally possible. And… And the thing I have going for me, in addition to the other things I mentioned, is that the contest starts on the 26th, which is a Friday… By the way, I’m not working the day after Christmas. I’m taking the day off.
Burnie: I… Listen… OK.
Geoff: I got all day 26… all day the 26th, all day the 27th, all day the 28th… I have three… What is it? 9...3… Nobody knows what 3x24 is, but… Math nerd, what 3x24 is?
Gus: I like seeing you… I like seeing you struggle.
Burnie: You really don’t know how many hours are in 3 days? You just don’t know that off the top of your head?
Geoff: It’s uh…
Burnie: How many are in two?
Geoff: 48… It’s 72 hours.
Geoff: 72 hours of no work, no nothing. I have to feed the dog and the cat twice a day and I’ll probably, like, take a dump at some point and that’s it. Yeah. I have 72 hours to do nothing but game and I am going to… I’ll be sad if I don’t get the 10.000 points in the first 3 days.
Gus: While we’re working here on the 26th, we’ll be tracking your progress o Xbox…
Geoff: You’re not working on the… Don’t even… Come on.
Burnie: See, you keep… you have all these things about… these things that are working for you.
Burnie: Here is the thing you have working against you…
Burnie: You have to be you that entire time. You can’t switch bodies with someone that’s, like…
Geoff: I don’t even know what that means.
Burnie: We’ll stick with it. And who’s gonna, like… You’ll get to, like, the 12th hour and you’ll be, like, “Fuck this! I’m not doing this.”.
Burnie: I remember how you were after a weekend of Call of Duty. Remember that?
Geoff: That was a rough game. That was a rough 1000 points. But I did it.
Burnie: You were miserable.
Geoff: I did it. You were miserable too.
Gus: That was a little different, in Geoff’s defense. That was… You had to get the mile high…
Burnie: Yeah. That was… That was just one game, as opposed to 20.
Geoff: With a lot… yeah, well… Call of Duty is not one of the games I’ll be cherry picking for my 10.000 points. I’ve already got… dude… I don't wanna scare you, but I’ve got a spreadsheet. I made a spreadsheet.
Burnie: I believe you.
Geoff: When you… When you make a… When you hit save on a spreadsheet and you assign a spreadsheet to something, that shit becomes official.
Burnie: I… I… I understand you’ve already got Knuckles working as a consultant.
Geoff: Yes. I have Knuckles working as a consultant.
Gus: Is he getting a cut of the prize money if you win?
Geoff: No, but he asked for it.
Burnie: Did he really?
Geoff: That son of a bitch.
Burnie: What did he want?
Geoff: I don't know. I told him…
Gus: Well. If… If… You should do that and if you… if you don't make it he shouldn’t… he should pay part of the loss.
Geoff: A cut of the loss. Yeah. There’s gonna be no loss.
Burnie: You know what? If you’re gonna ask for a cut, you better come strong.
Geoff: You better.
Burnie: You better come with a number.
Burnie: He just said “I want a cut” and didn't say what it was?
Geoff: I think he might have been kidding around, but fuck him, right?
Burnie: Is that what he did too? He did the joke thing like “I want a cut”?
Geoff: He was like “I get a cut of this, right? Hahaha”.
Burnie: Tell him to fucking chip in when you lose.
Burnie: Let’s talk about reality for a second. When you’re ditching out a thousand bucks, how much of it is gonna be in canadian dollars?
Burnie: That’s what I wanna know.
Geoff: None of it. I’m not ditching out anything. I’m gonna make a thousand dollars. And you know what I’m gonna do with that thousand dollars? I have no idea, but it’s gonna be wonderful.
Burnie: Are there any rules you wanna put in me?
Geoff: What kind of… I… uh…
Burnie: Like, can I have you killed?
Geoff: You can’t do anything to interfere.
Burnie: Cut your power?
Geoff: You can’t cut my power. You can’t do anything to interfere with my game. You can’t steal my memory card again. Anything like that.
Gus: Can we interfere if we see you playing online? If you’re going for online achievements. Can we then jump in your games and try to stop you from doing them?
Burnie: Can I have everyone on the internet send you a message on Xbox Live?
Geoff: I can just turn off notifications.
Burnie: And ask you to party?
Geoff: All the dumb shit you wanna do is not gonna affect me getting in my games. Get my achievements I got a list, dude. I’ve got a list that’s 18.000 points strong and I think I can probably get all of them in these 7 days.
Burnie: I… I gotta say…
Geoff: Now, I just gotta go and figure out the easiest 10.000 out of that 18.000.
Burnie: Go for it.
Geoff: It’s a great list.
Burnie: Go for it.
Geoff: It’s a great list.
Burnie: I’m thinking of Avatar The Airbender it’s gonna take 3 hours even.
Burnie: Even though that’s like notoriously the one where you can get the fastest amount of points.
Geoff: 5 minutes.
Geoff: By the way, 3 hours… that’s not a problem. I figured I need to average, for my sanity, I need to average about 3000… about… What is it? 3000 points an hour. I can do that.
Burnie: Oh my God!
Gus: That would be… That would be 900 points over 3 hours.
Burnie: No. It’s not gonna happen. It’s not gonna happen.
Geoff: If I play for 6 hours a day, I need to get 333 points an hour.
Burnie: Huh. It’s gonna be so great.
Geoff: But I’m not gonna play for 6 poin… 6 hours a day.
Gus: So 333…
Burnie: So, what day of the week are you starting?
Geoff: I’m gonna start Friday.
Burnie: Cause I wanna start doing my own spreadsheet of when you’re gonna fall apart.
Geoff: The 26th. It’s when I start. Friday, the 26th.
Gus: You need to be getting about 5 points a minute more or less.
Geoff: Yeah. I’m gonna take my wife and daughter to the airport and then I’m gonna come home and start gaming and it’s gonna be amazing.
Gus: You’re an impartial person, Gus.
Geoff: I’m gonna try and have 5.000 points the first day.
Burnie: When do you… What do you think it’s gonna happen? Like what… Like, if you start on Friday, tell us what’s gonna happen.
Gus: No, he’s gonna… he’s gonna go strong through the weekend, I think. But I think uh… he’s gonna be very tires Sunday night.
Geoff: I won’t.
Gus: He’s gonna trudge into the office Monday morning and be like “I’m still doing it. I’m still gonna go. I’m just going to take a break tonight. I’m just gonna take a break...”
Burnie: The worst thing you can do is take a break, right?
Gus: “I’m well ahead. I’m just gonna take a break.” And the break is gonna fuck him.
Burnie: Yeah, yeah.
Geoff: You know, I… To be honest with you, I’m a little concerned about that. I think that I’m gonna be… I’m gonna go strong all weekend and I won’t be surprised if I got 7 or 8 thousand points in that weekend. Although, I’d like to get all 10.000. And if I don’t, I’m gonna be exhausted. I’m gonna be totally exhausted. It’s something that I’m really concerned about. And I guess my biggest… my biggest pitfall…
Burnie: You should be You should be worried.
Geoff: It will be pure exhaustion after Sunday.
Burnie: You should be worried.
Geoff: But I’m not worried.
Gus: So, do you have any plans, Geoff? Are you gonna have food delivered to the house? What… What’s your strategy? Do you have something set up for that?
Geoff: Yeah, I do. We have a service in Austin called “Eat out In” and uh I also have 3 very good pizza restaurants right by my house and a good chinese restaurant, Sun Hing. So, I got the food… I won’t have to leave my house the entire time.
Burnie: I’ll be applying to all of these restaurants…
Gus: That’s what I was gonna say.
Burnie: … next week. So, if you want “Eat out In” or the chinese restaurant by Geoff’s house, I would not recommend it during the week of December 26th to January 1st. As I’ll be shitting in all the food.
Geoff: The other… The other pitfall I’m gonna have is that uh I’m a bit of an alcoholic and it’s gonna be hard…
Burnie: It’s gonna be great.
Geoff: Alcohol is just gonna put me to sleep.
Burnie: It’s like all the frailties are gonna come to light.
Burnie: All of them.
Gus: Are you gonna stock pile alcohol before you start?
Geoff: Yeah, yeah. I’m just hoping… I’m just hoping I don’t get too drunk to play.
Gus: That’s gonna be… That’s gonna be a problem. You’re gonna have too much alcohol in hand and you’re gonna get drunk instantly and you’re gonna sleep trough the weekend.
Burnie: What’s your favorite liquor? I’ll be happy to buy you a bottle.
Geoff: My favorite liquor is probably… oh gosh… What’s my… my very favorite in the world?
Gus: Get him some Tito’s and some Hendricks.
Geoff: I like Tito’s, Hendricks, I like Maker’s Mark. My big three right now.
Burnie: Here is another question. Where are you getting the games?
Geoff: I haven’t worked that out yet.
Burnie: Oh, yeah?
Gus: Oh, shit.
Geoff: I’m borrowing some games uh from Jack and some other people…
Burnie: You’ve got some time to prepare.
Geoff: Borrowing from you, Gus and Jack. And then uh I have uh… The office already has a few of the ones that I need.
Burnie: We went trough a period where, in the office, we got almost every Xbox 360 game that came out.
Geoff: For about the first year we got every game, yeah.
Burnie: Yeah, it seams like longer. And then we figured out how much, you know, when you add up the cost of 60 bucks for games we never played like Rockstar Table Tennis and…
Geoff: Bionicle Heroes and shit like that.
Burnie: Top Spin 2.
Gus: Geoff and I played the shit out of table tennis.
Geoff: That’s true. We played the shit out of it for about 80… I got about 80 gamerscore on that too.
Burnie: Yeah. There you go.
Geoff: That was a tough one.
Burnie: Didn’t learn a lesson from that, apparently.
Geoff: But uh… And then I’ll… I might… I might uh… Can you still rent video games? Like a Blockbuster or…
Gus: Sure. Why not?
Geoff: Hollywood video. I might start renting games.
Burnie: Here is what I… Here is what… A sound strategy. You should better get them before Christmas because…
Gus: More time that you have to leave the house and also people are getting you Xboxs around then. It’s gonna be hard to find.
Geoff: No, no, no. The week leading up to it I… I’ll be collecting all the games. So, I should have almost everything I need before the event starts. Also uh a lot of my games are gonna be two or three year old sports games that I haven’t played yet and I can pick up those for like 5 dollars at Game Crazy or Best Buy or whatever.
Burnie: Maybe you write the video game companies and like get sponsorships and say “Hey, I’m gonna be playing your shitty, crappy, unbalanced achievement game. Would you mind sponsoring me?” We’ll be sure to mention you.
Geoff: There just aren’t that many shitty unbalanced achievement games.
Burnie: Here is what I’m thinking. I’m thinking I’ve got a thousand dollar budget to work with. To try to prevent… cause, as far as I’m concerned, if I can keep you below 8.000 points and I make a thousand dollars from Geoff, it will basically be him paying for me to fuck with him.
Gus: That’s… That’s a good way to look at it.
Geoff: Yeah. I guess that’s one way to look at it.
Burnie: There is gonna be a lot of out of work Christmas carolers the week after Christmas too. Looking for something to do.
Geoff: How much uh… How much trouble are you gonna get in when your wife finds out you owe me a thousand dollars?
Burnie: You’ll be evicted.
Burnie: It’s gonna be part of the plan. By the end of the week you’re gonna be evicted. That’s part of my strategy. No power, cut the power to the house.
Geoff: I got…
Burnie: It’s gonna be burned to the ground.
Geoff: This is a no brainer. 10.000 points in a week is not that much.
Burnie: So, if I understand correctly…
Geoff: How many points is that in a day?
Burnie: Will you be…
Gus: I already told you.
Burnie: He already told you.
Geoff: 1430 a day?
Geoff: A game and a half a day.
Burnie: Here is my prediction. He starts on friday… I’m gonna say… He has friday to friday basically. So, I’m gonna say on wednesday is the day when he’s finally… when he says his goal is just to break even and go for 9.000. Like, that’s his goal.
Burnie: And then thursday is the day he just says the contest was flawed and he’s just gonna stop. You… You won’t even go to the end of the contest I don’t think.
Gus: Even if he loses, he probably won’t ever fulfill paying you. I mean, whatever happen to the 7 days survivor achievement…
Burnie: Let’s talk about that for a moment, shall we? Here’s the other thing… stipulation that you should put on me, that I have to pay you in a certain amount of time. From past experiences, we should talk about that.
Geoff: I’m not gonna put that stipulation on you. You’re a standup guy.
Burnie: Could you trust me? If only I had such faith in the other contestant. I should put that stipulation on you. What am I thinking? For when you get your 7.000 points.
Geoff: I’ll pay you.
Burnie: So, let…
Geoff: I’ll pay right up.
Burnie: This hole thing started… I guess you could say, actually, probably one of the first Achievement Hunter things we did was Geoff and I had an achievement race.
Geoff: It was pre Achievement Hunter I guess, yeah.
Burnie: Pre Achievement Hunter.
Geoff: You and I were kicking on the idea for the site way back then.
Burnie: Way, way, way, yeah. But we were gonna do mainly achievement races and stuff like that. Then Geoff had an idea of let’s do Call of Duty 4 where the game came out last November, right? Or October.
Geoff: Late October.
Burnie: Yeah. And… so we both got it and we just not knowing anything about it just said “who can get to a thousand points fastest”. And it took us all weekend to do a thousand points in that game.
Burnie: But… But, in all fairness, it probably took us… like, we could probably have gotten… 6 hour we could have probably gotten 750 points out of that game.
Burnie: Just cause we didn’t have to play on expert or whatnot.
Burnie: And then the bet was that whoever won would have to give the other one an achievement to do. Why are you looking so miserable?
Geoff: It… It… It’s not true.
Burnie: You don’t want to talk about it?
Geoff: No. The bet was that uh… that person could then pick a video game achievement or a real life achievement that they had to do.
Burnie: And you chose to do the video game one.
Geoff: I chose to do the real life achievement…
Geoff: … you were gonna make me eat sea food or sushi and then you said “no, that’s not good for the site, you have to do the video game one.” So, under protest, I never did it.
Burnie: That’s nor true. That’s not true.
Gus: That’s not what happened.
Burnie: That’s why we’re recording this today.
Gus: That’s the first time I’ve ever heard of this protest.
Geoff: That’s absolutely true.
Burnie: You know who told him that? His wife. That’s what his wife says. Yeah.
Geoff: I trust my wife. But also that’s true.
Gus: She wasn’t here.
Burnie: So, Geoff was supposed to get an achievement that takes 14 hours to get. Like real time, you have to sit there for 14 hours to get it. And that’s the one… And the other stipulation was… was that you could not give someone an achievement that they hadn’t done themselves. We went all the way down to qualifying to that level.
Geoff: That’s true.
Burnie: And I gave you an achievement. My hardest achievement that had already gotten and that was 7 days survivor in Dead Rising. Which is 14 hours straight.
Gus: You should have that be your 10.000th point.
Geoff: I thought about it. I thought about it.
Burnie: He can’t do it. If he did that, it would be great. Really. I would shut up for a little while, I really would.
Geoff: For a little while. What’s a little while for you? 45 minutes?
Burnie: 45 seconds.
Geoff: One thing that makes me a little sad is that I’ve been playing Prince of Persia this morning to do Achievement Hunter videos and in about 20 minutes I’ve got like 130 points.
Burnie: That’s nothing.
Geoff: I should have done it in an alternate account.
Burnie: I can sit down on my Xbox right now and get 130 points too. It’s the 10.000 in 7 days.
Geoff: It all adds up baby.
Burnie: I know it. I know it all adds up.
Geoff: 30 minutes, 130 points, that’s not bad.
Gus: That’s like 10% of what he need for a day. Just under 10%.
Burnie: So, you only need 100 games to do that in.
Burnie: Every game you get 100 points right out of the gate.
Geoff: I just need 100 games.
Burnie: So, huh, you and the spreadsheet…
Geoff: You’re making it sound really easy.
Burnie: You and the fucking spreadsheet. You drew the line straight out. You’ve done 100 points in 30 minutes all the way out.
Gus: All he has to do , at that rate, is play for 5 hours.
Burnie: That’s exactly right. 300 minutes. This is math. This is the math couch over here.
Burnie: That is accurate. And you know that’s not true. You know that’s not true.
Geoff: What’s not true?
Burnie: That you can’t play for 500 minutes and get 10.000 points.
Geoff: Sure, I can.
Burnie: 300 minutes.
Geoff: 300 minutes.
Burnie: This is the math end of the couch. Gus’s end of the couch.
Gus: This end of the couch is a little more mathy.
Burnie: OK. So here is the deal.
Burnie: December 26th.
Geoff: December 26th.
Burnie: And what time? What time does your family go to the airport?
Geoff: I have to check. I think it’s pretty early. I think it’s like 7 or 8 in the morning. I have to double check. But uh…
Burnie: That’s early.
Geoff: What’s that?
Burnie: That’s early. So, morning time.
Geoff: Yeah, morning.
Burnie: You wanna start at noon? Or start at like 9 am?
Geoff: No. As soon as they’re out the door, I’m going.
Burnie: OK. So let’s plan at what? 10 am central time?
Geoff: Yeah. And I’ll verify the flight to make sure that I can do that.
Burnie: And then it goes for 7 days… I guess more accurately…
Gus: So it would end 10 am the next friday.
Geoff: God. This is… I’m so excited. So excited.
Burnie: I can’t wait.
Geoff: I’m gonna have so much...
Burnie: I give you a thousand dollars. One thousand dollars. What a ridiculous bet.
Geoff: It is a ridiculous bet.
Burnie: One thousand dollars.
Geoff: The safe bet for me.
Burnie: And you win. If you get 9.001, you win.
Geoff: That’s true. I do. I get a dollar.
Burnie: You get a dollar. So even like… even if we spotted you… if we spotted a thousand points in this bet and, not only that, you have Avatar Airbender which will be a thousand points out of the gate.
Geoff: A thousand points out of the gate. I have Avatar The Airbender, I have Madden 09 and I have NCWA 09. That’s like 2500 points out of the gate.
Burnie: Why are the Madden games so important.
Geoff: Cause you can supersim.
Burnie: Cause you can supersim. You can simulate games and get achievements.
Burnie: That’s just pushing a button and get an achievement.
Burnie: I’m not concerned.
Geoff: That’s all every video game is, by the way. Pushing a button to get an achievement.
Burnie: No, I know that. I know that.
Burnie: I hit the start button though and you get an achievement. You just run a season and you get an achievement.
Geoff: I already got that one for the Simpsons. I which I didn’t.
Burnie: I’m not even sweating. Look at this hand. Solid as a rock.
Geoff: I’m not sweating either. I’ll probably… I’ll have… I bet I could get…
Burnie: I hope you get 5.000 points in the first day.
Geoff: I bet I will. I bet I’ll get 5.000 on the first day.
Burnie: You just like hubris… just like “I got this. It’s in the bag.”
Geoff: I’m half way there. 6 days to go.
Burnie: I can’t wait.
Geoff: It’s gonna be great.
Burnie: I can’t wait.
Geoff: It’s gonna be so great.
Gus: I almost wish there wasn’t a cap on this.
Gus: I wanna see how far Geoff could go.
Geoff: I could go…
Burnie: What are you talking about?
Geoff: I set down to figure out how many points I could get in 7 days and the figure I came up with is staggering. But I don’t wanna do it to you.
Gus: What was it? What was it?
Geoff: Cause it’s not fair to you. 17.000.
Burnie: Do it.
Geoff: I don’t want you to have to pay me 8.000 dollars.
Burnie: I’ll… How fast do you think you can get to 17.000? Put your money where your mouth is. Then let’s move the hole line up to 15.000 and we’ll uncap it.
Gus: Oh, oh.
Burnie: What? We’ll uncap it both ways.
Geoff: No, no.
Burnie: I’ll be a billionaire.
Geoff: It’s too late… It’s too late in the game to be changing the rules.
Burnie: Alright, so that’s it. People can track it.
Geoff: People can track it. My gamertag it DGGeoff. Feel free to track my progress online and watch me raking the points. I’m gonna have a big achievement rake and I’m gonna go…
Burnie: Why don’t you give us your resume. What’s the most amount of points you’ve gotten in the shortest amount of time before?
Geoff: I got about 7.000 points in a week or so when I first decided to secretly catch you…
Geoff: … uh.
Burnie: And you did. You passed me.
Geoff: I did. I passed you.
Gus: So, you have about 45.000 points right now? Is that what you said?
Geoff: I think a little under 45.000. I’m guaranteed I’ll have 45.000 when this starts.
Gus: So you’re looking at increasing your total gamerscore by about 22%? Your gamerscore that you’ve worked on for 3 years.
Geoff: Sure. I’ll trust your math there, Einstein.
Burnie: Which has been important to you.
Geoff: Uh, yeah. I guess it’s important.
Burnie: Huh. The best part is this games his gonna play are awful. I mean, I only… I only thank God that like the system is set up so you can’t run multiple Xboxs at one time. You’ve got to single file…
Geoff: That was my wife’s suggestion, by the way. And I had to explain to her that it doesn’t work like that.
Burnie: Oh, yeah?
Geoff: She was like “You have 3 or 4 Xboxs. You just have all of them going at once.”
Burnie: She is like a grifter. She’s taking the kid to work like a frame somewhere, isn’t she? She’s got something set up. She has an angle on everything.
Geoff: No comment. She’s a crafty lady, my wife.
Burnie: Alright, ok. So, we’re done? So, this is the challenge, officially laid down. Geoff has to score 9.000 points and every point over 9.000 that he scores, I have to pay him one dollar up to 10.000 points.
Burnie: Every point under 9.000 that he doesn’t score he has to pay me a dollar down to 8.000 points. And then he has 7 days in which to do this. 7 days starting from friday December 26th to friday January 1st.
Geoff: How many… How many hours are in 7 days, Gus?
Gus: Uh… 140… 168, yeah.
Geoff: 168 hours. This doesn’t seem right. 168 hours in 7 days? OK.
Geoff: What is that: That’s like uh…
Burnie: You want to sleep? You want to sleep in there?
Geoff: I do sleep occasionally.
Burnie: OK. Take 8 hours of every day. How many hours in a day if you take out 8?
Geoff: I don’t… What the fuck… 7 times 8 is 56. So what’s that? A hundred and… Jesus Christ.
Gus: 112, yeah.
Geoff: Yeah, 112.
Burnie: If only we had a device that could perform simple mathematical calculations for us.
Geoff: So I… If you… If you take into consideration that you think that I’ll sleep 8 hours a day and uh I probably won’t. I don’t sleep that much. I have 112 hours.
Burnie: You won’t be able to sleep.
Geoff: What is that? That’s like uh 10 points an hour or some shit I have to average?
Gus: Yeah, something like that.
Geoff: Come on.
Burnie: I think this is like 125 dollar a day is what I’m making. It’s what I’m thinking about.
Geoff: I’m gonna be so rich. I can’t believe you don’t think this is easy to do.
Burnie: I think it’s easy to do.
Geoff: You just don’t think that I’ll do it.
Burnie: I don’t think you’re capable of doing it.
Geoff: Why, why, why…
Burnie: That’s… That’s what you’re learning here.
Geoff: How dare you sir. I’m insulted.
Burnie: You’re paying a thousand dollars to learn that lesson that I have a low opinion of you. That’s what you’re paying a thousand dollars for.
Geoff: How… I… You… Why… How could you possibly have a low opinion of me? Have I ever missed a comic in 362 comics?
Burnie: No, but I no this is a gaming thing.
Geoff: I’m 152 videos into Achievement Hunter without missing a day.
Burnie: Let me give you your resume. First of all, you didn’t get the 7 day survivor thing.
Geoff: Alright, sure. Under protest.
Burnie: Under protest.
Gus: This is also the first day we’re hearing under protest as well.
Burnie: There is also that every game that we’ve started playing together that I’ve got 1000 points and you said you were going to. With the exception of one. Which is GRAW 2. But like Viva Piñata 2…
Geoff: Still working on it.
Burnie: Assassins Creed.
Geoff: Viva Piñata 2 is gonna be part of this achievement contest.
Burnie: Uh. What’s the dumb Cuban game? Just Cause.
Geoff: Just Cause. That’s another good one.
Burnie: Yeah. All ones… All ones that you were like “This is the greatest game ever made. I’ll get 1000 points on this no problem.” and then you didn’t. Now this… this might appeal to you. Cause this is… You don’t have to a thousand point any particular game. You just have to get 10.000 points.
Geoff: I’ve 1000 pointed quite a feel games.
Burnie: You’ll just… You’ll lose it. You’ll lose your enthusiasm.
Burnie: I feel like I’m doing a disservice by offering you the money. You should do this for your own personal redemption. That’s what I think.
Geoff: Personal redemption. I don’t know what I’m being redeemed from. Am I being redeemed cause I’ve finished… I haven’t gotten 1000 points on Assassins Creed yet. I will.
Burnie: No, you won’t.
Geoff: There is no statute of limitations on getting it.
Burnie: You won’t. No, you won’t.
Geoff: I’ll get it.
Burnie: I know you won’t.
Geoff: In Assassins Creed?
Burnie: Just Cause. Where’s that?
Geoff: I let you borrow it and I haven’t seen it since.
Burnie: It’s in… It’s in the case with all the other games.
Geoff: Where is that?
Burnie: Just sitting there.
Geoff: Where is the case?
Burnie: “Come play with me.”
Gus: Where is that case?
Geoff: Where is that case?
Burnie: I don’t know. Where is the case?
Geoff: I don’t know.
Gus: If I had to bet? Burnie’s house.
Geoff: I would agree with Gus. It’s probably at Burnie’s house.
Burnie: No, no, no. I don’t have a shredder in my house.
Gus: Oh, heaven forbid the games be easy to access.
Burnie: I won’t do anything like that. I won’t do anything like that. What I’m gonna do…
Gus: You’re already doing it. The games aren’t here.
Burnie: I don’t have the games. They are here somewhere. This is going to be a psycho… psychological warfare where I turn you against yourself. I will not interfere physically in any way.
Geoff: That will be a first for you.
Burnie: Yes. Last time I stole his memory card. That was supposed to be…
Geoff: Stole my memory card, you stuck me with ? for the night and didn’t show up to hand out.
Burnie: Listen… Listen to me. I didn’t steal your memory card either. I played a joke where I swapped your memory card and wrote… and made an exact duplicate of your memory card and hid yours in your backpack.
Geoff: yes, you did that.
Burnie: It’s not like I took it away from you. And you freaked out. You got scared. Mental, mental.
Geoff: That was a lot of physical leading up to that mental.
Burnie: Yeah, yeah.
Burnie: It’s a… It’s a physical attack with a mental repercussion.
Geoff: So you’re like… You’re some sort of a mentalist, is that it?
Burnie: Alright. You’re a witness?
Burnie: You understand the therms?
Gus: Yeah, let’s do it.
Burnie: You understand… You understand what he’s supposed to do here?
Gus: Yeah, yeah. I think everyone…
Burnie: I’m not gonna hear a year from know how it wasn’t a thousand dollars it was a thousand hugs or something like that.
Geoff: Let me ask you a question… We can go back and listen to the podcast.
Gus: Yeah, we totally have record of it now.
Burnie: I don’t want to call this a podcast.
Geoff: Let me… I don’t like the word podcast.
Gus: It’s stupid.
Geoff: It’s like… It’s a…
Gus: It’s a cool cast.
Geoff: Rooster radio.
Burnie: You know, I just figured out that “podcast” is a pun of broadcast. I never figured that out.
Geoff: Is it really?
Gus: I never knew that either.
Burnie: I ne… I was just trying to figure out way they called it podcast and I just figured out in my head. Podcast is a pun from broadcast. Which makes me hate it even more now.
Geoff: I thought it was… I though pod came from Ipod.
Burnie: It is but…
Geoff: Yeah. Whatever.
Burnie: As opposed to Shmodcast?
Burnie: Alright. Geoff.
Burnie: Good luck.
Burnie: I want you to be happy. I don’t want you to be disappointed in yourself when it all falls apart. OK. And when you are on thursday, I want you to know getting the 9.000 is an OK goal. OK?
Burnie: And minimizing the damage between 8 and 9 thousand is OK too.
Geoff: Hey, Gus. How many points do you think I’m gonna get?
Gus: Uh… I think you’re gonna get about 8.000. Maybe 9.000.
Burnie: No. If he… If he’s not gonna get close to 9, he’ll stop at 5. I’m gonna say 5800.
Geoff: You’re gonna say I’m gonna get 5800?
Burnie: No, no, no. I’m gonna say… I’m going for the bet. I’m betting a… I’d be betting at that level if I though, so… I just wanna throw it out there as an insult 5800. But not in any official way. I don’t want some kind of weird “Oh, you said...”. My bet is for 9.000 points. Really 10.000. I was so gracious to spot you a thousand points.
Geoff: You know, I just… I pity both of you. Specially pity you and your wallet cause you’re gonna own me a thous… How are you gonna pay it? Are you gonna pay it in check, are you gonna pay me in cash?
Burnie: How would you like to be paid?
Gus: I bet he pays in pennies.
Geoff: I wanna be paid in a thousand one dollar bills.
Burnie: Well, it’s coming out of your paycheck.
Geoff: Wrapped up in plastic.
Burnie: You realize that? My money is coming out of the company.
Geoff: No, I don’t care how I receive it. I should not say that. I don’t want it in pennies, I don’t want it in change.
Burnie: I’ll pay cash. I’ll pay cash.
Geoff: US currency.
Burnie: I’ll pay you ten 100 dollar bills.
Geoff: Yes. I’ll pay you in ten 100 dollar bills. We’ll see about that.
Burnie: Delicious 100 dollar bills. Awesome. This is so great. I gotta use it to pay off the crane.
Burnie: And the wrecking ball. Alright, that is it. You can tune in, I guess, and watch Geoff on Xbox Live. I guess we’ll do updates on the site.
Geoff: Yeah. Absolutely.
Burnie: If you wanna see this. And you can watch Geoff slow, horrible, grinding to a halt, bitter demise. It’s gonna be awesome.
Gus: Maybe you can make like uh videos of yourself and post them on youtube as you go along.
Geoff: You know, that’s a good question. I would like…
Burnie: Post them on youtube? What about our site.
Gus: I… I’m sorry. I meant for Achievement Hunter.
Geoff: I would… I would like to like chronicle my travels through this adventure but I’m gonna be so focus on getting achievement that I’m not gonna have time to weight it down by posting journals, videos and all that nonsense.
Burnie: I like that Geoff used the word focused. Geoff is gonna be focused.
Gus: Like a laser.
Burnie: And diligent.
Geoff: That’s right. Like a laser. Like my middle name.
Burnie: Alright, good luck.
Geoff: So this is a… Are we gonna do this podcast thing again?
Burnie: I don’t know. Probably not. What are we gonna talk about? We’ll do.. We’ll do in the thing. When you got your thing going. We’re gonna do the thing thing.
Geoff: Lots of stuff to talk about.
Burnie: We’re so good at this.
Gus: This flows naturally.
Geoff: How long has this been going for?
Gus: 40 minutes.
Geoff: 40 minutes of pure entertainment.
Gus: 45 second of it was when we thought the application had crashed.
Geoff: Yeah. That was sad.
Burnie: Yeah. Not much going on. It’s a slow week between Christmas and New Year’s.
Burnie: It’s also interesting that it’s exactly 7 days between Christmas and New Year’s. I don’t know why. It is interesting to me.
Gus: That is very interesting.
Burnie: Like the same day of the week every year. Christmas is the same day of the week as New Year’s.
Geoff: You know what I just read today? Like, I guess, about an hour ago, before we started this podcast. I read that astronomers had determined that Christmas is actually in June and that Jesus would have been born in June.
Burnie: How the fuck would astronomers figure that out?
Geoff: Watch the sun. Because they talked about... in the bible they talked about uh… how the wise men followed the north star or whatever nonsense. And for that to be in that position in that time it would have to have been in June.
Burnie: Oh, shut the fuck up. What do they know.
Geoff: I don’t know.
Gus and Geoff: Science.
Burnie: Astronomers. Yeah, science… science…
Geoff: Not astrologer, astronomers.
Burnie: You’re talking about scientist using the bible as a reference? I mean, what the fuck. I mean, to disprove itself. This is retarded. Christmas is in December. You guys are fucking satanists. You want Christmas in June.
Geoff: I’m just saying what I read on Dig.
Gus: Thanks to the large ? they were able to figure out…
Burnie: They just went back in time. Fucking astronomers. Figure they would need to justify their fucking job. Looking through a telescope all they. Jesus Christ. I mean, what do astronomers do now? Really, what do they do? They fuck with Pluto to have something to do on an average day. I mean, are there new stars popping up every day.
Geoff: Yeah. Actually there are. And also they spend a good portion of their time trying to figure out how to blow up meteors that are heading towards Earth.
Gus: That’s practical application of science.
Geoff: It is. Right.
Burnie: Astronomers are in charge of that? Finding those big objects that…
Geoff: We know it’s coming. What are we… are we gonna test a bunch of deep sea oil drillers like in Armageddon? Fuck that.
Burnie: What… Are we gonna send astronomers with their fucking telescopes and their opinions about Christmas?
Geoff: They’re training right now.
Burnie: Maybe they’ll tell the asteroids “Hey, come on Christmas. Wink. That’s in June.” The asteroids are gonna hit us in the wrong day.
Geoff: How dare you mock science?
Burnie: I think of that as being NASA. I don’t think anyone in NASA is stepping up and saying they’re an astronomer. They are saying they’re an engineer. They need a better term than and astronomer. Astronomer is…
Gus: So, basically you just hate the term. You just hate the term “astronomer”. That’s what this boils down to.
Burnie: Well, if they fuck with Christmas…
Gus: If they were a stellar engineer it would be a totally different story.
Burnie: You fuck with Christmas, the gloves come off. Yeah. Astronomers are like old dudes in painting with white beards and they are trying to convince the Pope that the Earth revolves around the sun. That’s what an astronomer is. Your job is done. We figured it all out.
Geoff: Alright. Let me rephrase. I read an article earlier today where a bunch of space engineers determined that Christmas is actually in June.
Burnie: What the fuck are they doing? They should have gone back to astronomy school.
Geoff: Hey, you know what? My birthday is in June. What if Jesus and I share the same birthday? What if he was born on June 19th?
Gus: I guess it’s possible, isn’t it?
Burnie: I have the same birthday as Martin Luther King. It’s typically celebrated around the same time. I’m January 18th and it’s typically January 19th so it sometimes falls on my birthday. Yep.
Gus: Well, congratulations. That’s awesome.
Burnie: Thanks. Gus, what have you got? You’re president’s day.
Gus: Washington’s birthday, baby.
Burnie: Yeah. He’s president’s birthday, right?
Geoff: I can beat that.
Gus: First president.
Geoff: Superman’s birthday.
Gus: I could beat that. Drew Barrymore’s birthday.
Geoff: Garfield’s birthday.
Burnie: Muhammad Ali. Muhammad Ali. And Martin Luther King. I’m fucking hard in the street. Hey, uh…
Geoff: You get cred…
Burnie: I have cred. You know that uh I had another friend growing up, he was born on uh president’s day as well and his mother was very close to naming him George Washington Welsh. Can you imagine?
Gus: How horrible.
Gus: She should have named him uh Lincoln Washington Welsh. Even better.
Burnie: Welsh. He uh… Gus, you would have been great as George Washington Sorola. It would have been awesome. The third.
Gus: Jorge Washington Sorola.
Burnie: Alright, are we ready? Are we done with this thing?
Geoff: I think so.
Burnie: OK. So, that’s it. So…
Geoff: Get your checkbook out.
Gus: Touch gloves.
Burnie: Yeah. Touch gloves. Ding ding.
Geoff: Yeah, OK.
Burnie: The best part is I don’t have to do anything. Just sit back and be snarky which I just do everyday anyway.
Geoff: You have to do something very painful. You have to right a fucking check. Don’t discount that.