#298 - RT Podcast

RT Discusses Dating

Link: http://roosterteeth.com/episode/rt-podcast-season-1-rt-podcast-298

Recorded: 2014-11-19 00:01:29

Runtime: 01:33:42 (5622.83 seconds)

Participants: Blaine Gibson, Brandon Farmahini, Joel Heyman, Jack Pattillo, Adam Ellis

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    "Chelsea Handler Break the Internet" => "http://gawker.com/chelsea-handlers-naked-butt-is-riding-kim-ks-naked-butt-1657893220"
    "What is a Scrotum" => "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrotum"
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Audio:

Transcript (in progress):

this podcast is brought to you by Blue Apron Blue Apron sends Gourmet recipes and all the fresh ingredients you need to make them right to your door to see what's on the menu this week does it blue apron.com Pilots get their first two meals free just go to blueapron.com / RoosterTeeth blue apron.com slash rooster this episode of The Rooster Teeth podcast is sponsored by Finders Keepers creation custom paracord bracelets and more it's literally tens of thousands of combinations you can make something really special for yourself or as a gift what does podcast get 10% off your first order is a good podcast to is Finders Keepers Creations.com Hi Gus the last time I had no what I mean is there a if there's anyone out there in the audience who doesn't know who we all are please tweet me I don't know who I am we got here 30 minutes early and it was the biggest mistake ever cuz you kept talking about stuff in it we had this deal where Jac held this thing and he made lots of money for charity and I was a great thing and then Adam Scott pet pet Jac a pet Adam got his there's a kitty so many what the kitty Adam got a kitty from a fan who's going to send you a free kitten now it won't hate each others guts no head pet the kitty apparently Adam gets the Kitty and and and people Jac what was upset about Adam getting the kid out and Adam came to my house like we need just like we need to get we need to raise money around the office it was it seems like you like was in was donated by a fan who wanted to the people really like it was pretty drunk because the because of the crap because they made in that room over there trouble like conflict should be decided like in the world Jac you can take a cab and you can have is good you should take up with you later alright I'm going to go I'll talk to you later that he was pretty upset about it in text messages I'm going to basically because I didn't want to like him another cat obviously they want to get him into it because now yes and you don't like that he's totally not they can ship both kitties together at the same time at the same time you do not give me Jac and she was like hey I have a cat and had a birth defect in Michigan July cash card and because it's a Bengal cat a cancel the show Kitt so if you want I can give you this captured free and I'll have to pay shipping it should be like $300 is the end of is coming on November 29th 8:15 p.m. 5 a fucking Kelly and Michael going to get there before you and I was going to get what I was asking the question what can I use as a prop as a dead cat you're showing everybody pictures he's not going to be pretty good there with you Adams said today can't wait a week because I have to bond with the kids before too late like a basically for some reason Kim was very much like you have to get with him just after a week or in a few got the tickets but we need to figure out what time for the week but I cannot say that I have to meet it I have some preliminary names Honeyman what is it in 8 liter? monkey write to me if there was a pet that I can have that's like not an ordinary pet squirrel monkey for the time I had a monkey fear of monkeys in truth there was a guy I don't even want to get it fuck it till 4 the rest of the generals horrible thing that you can see how that would go down with everything apparently like like there was a girl that was in the cage with them at the same time and I said he ships are they protected and I've seen him like a year later he heard the news and it's based on the new story I knew who it was him or whatever if I can find everything I couldn't I don't know I need to get to kill you what animal would have a tire they're not actually go to the fucking scared but the thing about monkeys is like even in a good case scenario they're throwing their poop at you it's a hit-and-run monkeys that help people who are blind or death Michael let me know it was probably a spider monkey I'll deal with the spider monkey spider monkey cute probably going to get a bullet lets try to get a bowl then be like physically attacked by chimpanzee is a kind of an animal is a traditional pet beaver I still don't know what the fuck I like I don't know do they eat what they would never eat wood like they think they've been on the what the matter man lets me do they like they like Bill a little bit a building built teeth that will fuck you ever heard of a story the beaver Beaver attack something before we talk about the sports games on parties and off of kayak skin him Alive video game the first video game remake came out last week Joe Joe left what is the largest it when you take it off his employer shut off with it just take it off I was on a date and girls that sing like a where you working like this like this like what my phone on the first date it's not elected I didn't I don't want to go to 3 hours it was like to do cool I'm going to move tonight we can go as soon as I told him I'm going to head out tonight and are you going to movies music Date Movie did Matthew McConaughey is very dreamy Bad Day movie has Matthew McConaughey in it he's a good part a movie because you can like you know how to retain information of course they are he started live-tweeting the date right what a note your phone and when she wasn't here when she wasn't around so like she was either I was waiting for her and you're like you were assessing her life based on her interpretation of the movie don't hear your phone to the bathroom the second I was like I'm going to hold off on doing stuff and I'm sure she will tell her to text me last night you know a lot about Richie so she didn't really look through your most recent followers we look for a girl that's not on your page on Twitter he said Google and Blain my Twitter the first thing that pops up so she found out through that and she I took a picture on our second date we went to the elephant elephant room like the jazz place to post but I didn't and she wanted to and she has everything are you feeling I feel like an asshole because it seems like you like it I mean Adam you made it seem earlier where you were like oh you know how much I can get into this Adam may or may not I can't even get into this context clue what's going on I can't get into the city 303 how accurate it is her office like it you're going around here like that's exactly what that hallway look that's exactly what the office looks like except there's one thing that they didn't take notice so we have like 80 bucks that aren't exactly attached to our office it's funny because when I saw it that was I was acutely like that would like that that's like a pain like knowing we all know where the vent ducts every every person who works in this building knows exactly where every air conditioning duct goes originate from where did they finally moved over to soundcheck and we are only is that fucking thing ever and it was like 40 degrees in the 120 degrees in the summer and you guys left we um we were going to stall like the vent inside the offices but Erin couldn't wait so he sliced a hole through the roof what happened every thought of like they're obviously going to put it on the front burner and like you know fix it we did it and finally got around to fixing all the groups but I think he tore a hole through his all we could do is basically like troph the entire vent into the ceiling of the office so it just looks like the giant alien peeking through the roof and my Gus a pound meetup groups taken down industrial fiber optic is fucking hot and now with a couple and you have direct air flow you can feel like it's like someone blowing lightly on your face because his dad directly on top of that it was like during the summer he would blow warm air on you and then air into water and in the water would just go straight down onto our server room remember that it was just literally through the ceiling through the roof for the board to the ceiling it was just like a control tower like it forever like a driver in the apocalypse and you're like I just need a mechanism for a shower just like lets you in it's is it true they just turn air into water or is it was like again a few hours down there they were going to get wet and it's coming over to my apartment and they're like we got to shut off the building itself and I believe it's my problem that happened to me but I was the downstairs neighbor and they didn't call in are you serious I literally had Brown string through I even went to my a breaker box and it was like leaking and I can probably have cancer now you the story about the lady who broke into one of the offices downtown and then we got stuck in the vent how did they end up fighting like men how did they find her I think it was so that's always how it starts a picture of the vent in the video game over summer because a lot of people come in for like what we would do that money and put into slush you wouldn't like to go through artificial means haha so anyways apparently these people let these crazy people in the hospital just three of them and they just kind of disappeared and the door was locked that room and nobody really checked on it and it wasn't being like he know checked on and then eventually they started smelling something a couple weeks later they'd all died they told you in the car you can write about everything anything can happen and we went and it was like we should stay for at least like 30 minutes really like it was that amazing amazing party with Josh's roommate threw his girlfriend his girlfriend 374 Adam name for Daniel Tori and I don't want anyone to worry about me so anytime anyone drafted me and I might or I was going to Daniel we texted and make sure he's all right with that right cock blocker yeah well have a good time there's an upstairs and downstairs is very attractive girl lets me and Chris Martin and then come downstairs and talk to me I'm just saying probably internet for four days like we get fucking drunk and I look over and it was kind of cock blocking not cock blocking explain competing cock blocking anytime I've ever come into a scenario that I can perceive that in any way whatsoever I think if it's with my buddies and there's up anything I will always just be like I have it right but I don't really know what the rules are there just like back away like I mean does a girl have any say the Chris is affectionate Daniels I have no recollection of that the whole night to text and I forgot about all the problems I forgot about it until you just mentioned getting back with Chris we lived near each other and walking out to meet up with Chris on his cell phone was laying on the ground how many does at some point it's like it comes on I mean the person who what are involved in Marie Osmond without one I can't see of the house when he was like trying to like talk to a girl that you like an extreme form a cock blocking but if you were to have a totally different is there is there Muriel Muriel Muriel St they said I know whether he likes a growin up within the first 5 Seconds of meeting her girl is different with somebody and you have been like you've been released it was somebody at some point in your life you were with someone who you love how long did it take for you as a girl to come to the conclusion that you love this person how long have you liked it kid mid so crazy any longer than that $5 Gus does the funny night and I remember and I'm not the only one export of drunk people drunk a lot okay because of my size but I do get drunk I get locked into an accent and like he used to be Russian and recently I guess I adopted the group back then and I called you and I was like you know I called I called Josh Flanagan the mud you fucking call me at 4 in the morning I mean I didn't know I wish you could just tracked your phone like a GPS wise and like just played it like Pac-Man but I left left left my friends because I mean just like in person what the problem that's why I don't drink what are you like Beaver keeper says Daniel is not walking in that scenario is it is a competition Play Store it doesn't matter how you look it's just if we like your personality within the first 10 minutes and confident I could be there Friday creation it's like at some point and I think college both of us to realize and I just had to put them if you just have confidence it makes like a complete different and you can just keep that confidence long enough it'll keeper can you can you can do the confidence thing long enough and strong enough it will work the different metric what the ladder Theory the ladder. To ladder Theory there's ladder is when it comes to like a relationship between a girl and a guy or shoot their is up is there anyway I can ship ladder you like my friends but if you really do hang out the more you like her right there's one ladder that's the only metric to use for a girl there's a friendship ladder and then the boy a boy like ladder haha are you get on the Friendship ladder the harder it is to LEAP onto the other ladder the guy wanted a ladder and if you don't make it you will fall and you will fall drastically I think there's some I think the same logic to that I mean to become the best friend and you're like no I like you just like you that was dumb it makes sense it does me I think there's some logic to that you know what I'm getting tired of is running into you guys at the bank in H-E-B like every single fucking time every time I go to lunch I went I was it was like 6 o'clock at night and it will take you to go buy some beer and I'm walking back there and I go there and he hasn't seen me yet still Joe where he likes his head like halfway into the the counter or directly behind him and put my head in his hands a long time Albertsons occurred to me what if this isn't it sitting watching me walk up see you guys over the refrigerator walk up behind them the story feel like I'm living with it for like a month, she should have gone through the back you know they have that mean no looking back Joe to wear like the fridge if he was in and then just put your head behind the milk carton that he's grabbing a feel like crap that is just your face staring at him like hell oh well I wasn't I told your friends you and I but Lindsay didn't get a card cash part of shit fucking what kind of seasoning like everybody that's fucking companies at the grocery store dimension in time I was like I need this I need this I need this So eventually like I'm walking through the store like way too much shit and I'm Too Proud to go get a basket when holding stuff as soon as I can I help you much do you need to buy back which is like that the new things about the band every time but if you're busy or just don't know your way around a kitchen it can be pretty stressful expensive fast cooking to finding coming up with recipes shopping for ingredients dealing with leftover produce Blue Apron cooking for 99% simple recipe instructions right to your door meals are 500 calories per serving too low for delicious they are blue apron include step by step instructions with pictures. they work around your schedule and your dietary preferences cooking takes about a half an hour and shipping is always free you make meals like turkey meatballs with fresh tomato sauce and Parmesan crusted chicken with kale Caesar salad and more delicious meals to cook incredible meals and be blown away by the quality and freshness Blue Apron fast fresh and affordable and the stress of cooking right now go to blueapron.com / Rooster Teeth and get your first two meals free that's right to free mail just by going to blueapron.com / rooster teeth does a pool boy do I feel like I got it direction to 84 in Fayetteville NC I love sometimes we have to go out to places interact with people like Emily who handler was saying if you go out to the stores now there's Christmas stuff everywhere and I was like should I have a store in like 6 months like Amazon and services like I never go out anywhere and it what is it personalities because it's right before the holidays I'm going to run into people I know apple has a thing where you can go to the store and you have your phone and you just scan a barcode on an item and you pay for it and leave you have to interact with anyone doing that one day and then they like I mean person came up to me like you know who works there was like sir can I help you ma'am thank you very much I appreciate it the First Cash immediately I can't wait to get that first I watch what comes out are you oh yeah what are going to do are you going to watch Twilight I like this like I had the Fitbit Force a thousand today and it worked but then there was some chemical reaction that it had with my skin and it eventually gave me this like a horrible chemical burn it was like yellow and the product uranium-238 I mean what they the official word from them was that some people have a reaction to some nickel people likely had bad reaction to Nickel so I don't know how is your week off so since then it's really strange and now we know exactly exactly what to do what was but hear this thing where you can like push down the leg and it was the most disgusting thing ever I never been in prison he was turning to some weird superhero is body super-sensitive the first immersion lets you shut the the street we were all outside he put any sunscreen on and I think like you know if you've is what kind of bird he looks like a lobster I don't know how that was while we were on does it the first time I got robbed for the second is pretty bad but I don't know how much we talk about it sometimes they go too far and is now going to allow you to send cash transfers through their service by using like Square what you can the program basically where it's a temporary messaging safe but like even take a picture like so and then I could send that to Blain and Blain can look at it for 5 seconds and then the picture disappears right which makes a lot of sense to me actually lets a lot of people's problems and it also makes me think about it right what I'm told naked women dancing around on the internet apparently there are naked women dancing around on the internet as people defeatist if that's true then why anybody watching this right now we are naked ladies coming later right now you can have like a model wrapped up in Snapchat where you can just you can dance around naked on your phone no is going to get wiped and charge people but no one ever has explicit conversation about this right like some guys like why are we going to do this it's going to cost money to set it up and other guys like will people pay other people to see naked pictures sexy porn has been at the Forefront of of all the hotels apro yeah that's true I mean it's like I'm stop now the number one is faster internet was because it took 20 minutes to load like in 01 image a right back in like 1995 or like I need porn faster than in any other way but there was a survey using pictures that you use in Snapchat and started on your phone was hacked and so a lot of people got those pictures and spread them out everywhere so it's not somebody masshole incredibly genius they took all those naked pictures that were leaked and took naked pictures and in painted clothes for the actresses really in the pictures I was like what the fuck is actually actually actually have not seen any naked pictures of people I only Chelsea Handler pretend it was just like just like tan lines and like he don't know nothin is no photoshopping and he was really funny was like a really fun and like clever pretend like I'm supposed to the top of her on a horse because he was riding a horse topless and she was doing that but I made it Jesus like in the bottom what the bottom was that you enemy of man just got out what do you think they're like the junk or the thing in between the bottom with the theme so you tell her or not tell him what is Mulan pointed out I know I know I know what is a scrotum is I mean I think it's I mean most of us 38047 who a God damn I can't remember the name of the theater I gotta Google it but I'm feeling good I knew a girl there were even more another thing or are you looking there's like a thing I don't have are there okay so is your women have vaginas white men don't have a job I still feel it but there's a thing on a guy like underneath like if you had a vagina that's where it would be but there's like a line just like I like it and I don't remember the fucking name for that thing but God it is not scrotu what is a Falafel is how you figure out what does scrotu mid yet Google I don't know how I mean I don't know how to have you know like laundry and he know you like all the laundry and put into a bag think of the scrotu is like the bag you will make a great dad son let me tell you about the main reason why I don't have kids so I don't have this conversation 4 years older than me because I thought it was so funny about the phone every single time I saw that girl at party call perineum perineum perineum like a cute name does a terrible awful that every time you see her you just started listing of like genitalia does she have any sort of wedding me everytime I come around what is the name who did Chevy Chase play in recently because after the livestream when they wax my chest there's a giant bald spot so it just grows in the shape of a penis now so I had to shave around it to keep up with it all goes back I like having hair on your chest no I have a hair on my chest but not right now if you're not ready hair or not hair shaving ... I don't think it matters I don't think I can tell you I think they do that kid catches hair yeah that was the one boyfriend with a penis reduction scars date someone who like I don't like hair Joe is dating that girl you said you didn't know she would like one kind of got brought up randomly that her ex-boyfriend had everything going to turn into like a Chia Pet Finders no I'd like to pretend it's a fucking ever luxury lets in the legs and I guess it's like a weekly thing I don't know girl is it a week is it what a pain in the ass right what is a laser laser laser does it work and it comes back up do you shave your ass upcoming him but we have horrible, it was like somebody on the internet talked about this and they're like I'm going to have an experiment where I'm going to like save my ass and everything God put because apparently like the liquid like is liquidy and it fills up and he would have had this image of like talking about 1. having anything ready at one point and imagery was like talking about like an octopus or something just like trying to like you know how much RAM I just a man but I can tell that story that's got to be kind of like no fucking way to Mid Rivers Williamston you're getting more hair and your family you're getting more hair delivered to your family getting more hair you have the most hair Fieldhouse hold of anyone you got you another cat and dog perhaps another try to steal Jac scat what an asshole I'm going to play a joke on you guys I was going to image of Labor in which I think Caroline and just load them into a box Parable a nice lot right there play time vitamin A and eating out an email last night and I was like okay well what you need to practice so I came here last night at 11 and I played until what time we play play till 1:30 with brandons 132 overnight so that I can wake up at like 6 or 7 a.m. and then you can sleep overnight overnight overnight how much I like I like break the part that is good they do ship internationally is a command used to coach podcast you at checkout and you're shopping for the holiday in order sooner rather than later because everything is custom made to order the thing that I love particularly about those if they have a us or someone have a USB built into it and I've always wanted to build like a USB connection into my body like I would absolutely if I can go to a doctor and they implanted inside of me USB stick it happens all the time keeper officer just like my favorite of the bunch what if you need to and you're always going to be enough what your overnight sleeping overnight something at home tonight how much are the brackets Beyonce Hymn for all about me and I when we when we had a Team Dark Souls play today versus The Cranberries cranberries and so that was a fun match to watch and we've got two more ladder actually 3 more left and we'll do a third-place match and then you guys a rainbow tiger vs. leftovers and then it will go in this morning and then we'll have fun what are Joe Namath is too long I recently made the mistake of my life forever and I offer my story to you that you learn from my error totally fake but it's funny I don't know that's real sweat and when I finally reach my room my sheets for sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane toads and if you try my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks as I pulled the two mounds of Flesh part 3 Dog with a Blog started oh my God this is horrible you have to offer I cannot pulling apart like a starfish 304 the pass between your asshole and your scrotum Elli a Rundle and a Rundle attack girl for like weeks What's the total I would so closely what does pending 28072 fashion when he knows that cats can enjoy you're going to try to make you feel make them to somebody else or somebody else or something England having sex with a woman and like a man and woman your head up trim it different people the kid freak out and like a people freak out on me like you know through the door closed smashed the kid's hand and I feel so bad for this kid would like question right like a horrible terrible thing name something that would put me up for Life Walk in on somebody having sex something like that or something no that's because he's not model rockets in life if I can't remember if I remember it right I don't know feeling like I've been here before because you're close to the ground like petals and like things like to the ground and like if you Vision your house being so big you like your house is like everything is really weird you're just like that come from I look for any excuse and I'm sure you'd agree with it to take your shirt off does the fucking time can you take off your shirt at least 3 or 4 times YouTube already thinks I'm a douchebag you're just helping their case no clear way blink a lot at night anyway the most promising thing I went with the haunted house I went to a party and invited and that is just like scar really ever since I've never been able to go to party I like to invite is like fucking awkward party and I know it's cool if I bring another friend like Joe and he said they weren't friends and I told you to come to Jack's party I mean if I don't get I don't get structured how to get structured party like that doesn't make sense to me but I mean it's like a wedding or whatever food and beverages for the amount of people that they invited everybody that wasn't invited hey we're going to party we like bring your own beer situation I don't know I mean I don't want to like say that like I don't invite strangers into the lighthouse on Elli is always cold yeah. Actually I mean I should say this Beaver from drink tons of liquor and beer from other parties $200 fireworks in your part okay that you're going to what is coming really could be no telling him I told you that I was telling him he's like I was like I don't fucking care depending on the podcast right now to the fan who want jacket Adams pet the most a shipping ship of cash what to do if the cat hates you when you walk when you don't know is pretty pretty pretty rainbows Superman Blain I have nothing to put my arms on the Middle School Bus 3 to a seat that you broke and you only have like 3 tuition working for you lets other thing Cash 3 is coming up in just a month from today and very very very very hamster balls and wish I had a hamster ball and then push it out weather is going to be a bit more expensive but with people inside as well so don't be surprised what strain is like that it's not that kind of thing I can think of it like a concert 3000 normally do on my dreams are like weed play music we have some really cool and I got it Michael head-to-toe part of the intermission between sets your way to bring you all right Joe and I meant it I mean if you think about it if there's something growin and it's never been like that for something Pet Supermarket I'm turning in Is Not Great whatever high school for that operation or are the Twitter in my Twitter and everything else so there you go alright I'll be back episodes of us in our Lives May 9th member of Isis 417-627-9480 it was going to kill you what animal would have been fighting it and fighting it and then you die my head on an elephant or something like that Jungle Fury Energy play and they did such a great job of getting attack in that game starts at the end you know what I would like a highly poisonous spider Yokohama vs like my face is being that did you know that you don't shoot yourself interne Human animals going to kill you what would you pick Healthcare Agony and pain before die and then you're dead is that what I'm hearing from The Experience excruciating pain how to know if I come pick it up he was so proud he was like his dad capitalized what do you have to say he's pissed at you let the cat out of my house I had to go home for about 5 minutes could do for a long period of time to expect them to do the deal where If you're sort of like a bigger dude then you are sort of toilet challenge Fresno CA pet off like you think it's worth it to be Jac you know cuz like all the money in the world but every time you have to like do you like college life problem campanella's kid take a crap I can't sit back the Giant I was going to back up I don't know turn on that I don't know I mean I'm glad this is a very Central Podcast it was good what's up with you bro how long is it not talk about assholes for 5 minutes the trophy we have just premiered a couple weeks ago I think it's a really fun show and it's an improv competition show and they got this trophy for it and it's the most amazing thing I feel like I've ever seen in the world would be a little more amazing it was made of chocolate chips and the end of each like episode what was that I can't put it in gold foil interne is open up chocolate or that challenge commercial Adam Gordon Ramsay seven course meal which by the way at the Gordon Ramsay restaurant 7-course meal consist of a dishwasher that classy but first area code Appleton statue of Gus and he Dimension is a three-dimensional a company called captured Dimension is pretty fun actually the trophy I think last week's Champions were Ryan Ryan and mid a week they're going to get is going to Meghan Linsey I Believe episode I want to run something chasing after it that would be well you know you'll be funny it's making kids cartoon where all the characters are suddenly just like alright I'm just at the house I don't have heat sexual organs I'm sure I could probably do you think that happened what year was it like all the ideas of the internet so I mean I don't know probably you can't touch like I can't think of a single thing that we can talk about that you think of a single issue that we can't talk about no I mean it's like you've seen you know everything exist in the world like anything that happens anywhere you in Saline about it everybody already thought what I mean even from like a like hands off you can't really tell me about buttholes always mid around I think I think I totally agree with you but I feel like if someone else did the same thing in the same way and treated the right way they would still get so much more shit but there's something about South Park or we're just like how they're doing it 1000 like how many does nothing mustaches registry play Haven a 1700 113 and a half years from now we probably will be around 100 100 300 100 100 how many weeks 300 bananas how much how much can bench press bench press years are the people and Blain the sort of a hard guy to get workout without is he so cool and finally I got to convince I got to convince him to go work out with me today does pretty friendly guy but I'm going to the podcast right now is like we're about to be on the podcast have a podcast your own a stair step for the entire fucking time pet to know that's horrible I would feel like I'm getting more out of my time if I run the steps there's never any time for the whole thing for the whole or something because I need I gotta figure out a way to fit in a workout I still listen to podcast at the gym to work out because it's so fucking hard vs. zombie in level even the name we have the pet on Wednesday screen play on Tuesday and on the spot on Thursday so a bunch of cool stuff try to take it out this is where we ended up just going to stay here so how long can we sit here before you roll the credits girl girl does girls